wasafreak | Amnesia Plot [2 1/2 Weeks In]

Amnesia Plot [2 1/2 Weeks In]

Teddy hasn't hit his breaking point, because he can't break. Billy depends on him. Even if they're not what they should be, even if Teddy misses them every second of every day, Billy depends on him. He's his best friend, the only person he really knows on the island, at this point, and it's only been twenty days, not even three full weeks. So he hasn't hit his breaking point because that's not an option.

He's waiting for Billy, who went to the Compound to shower and get laundry and maybe food, and Teddy feels bad for not going with and loitering but...

He just needs a minute. He just needs a few minutes alone. Knees draw up and arms crossed over them, he tries to not to lose it, to breathe through the emotions he's been keeping under tightest wraps, but they're still threatening to rip out of him. He's so tired all the time, and he feels so damn lonely.

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Even though he could, Maxxie's not gonna argue with him. It'd just sound like fishing for compliments, even if he didn't mean it that way, and the smile looks too good on Teddy's tired face to say anything that might spoil it.

"Oh, bummer," he says with feeling.

"...Is he here? Maybe you could sneak a kip when he's not looking."

Teddy's not sure what it says about his capacity for problem solving that he hasn't thought of this before.

"No, he's at the compound. That... might not be the worst idea."

He tilts his head with a cocky lift of his brow, a look saying that he knows he's a genius, thank you.

"I'll keep watch," he promises. "So he doesn't find you and it makes things awkward."

It could also make things better, Maxxie thinks. But he has a feeling that thought comes from the portion of brain that still believes some porn could happen in real life.

Teddy flushes miserably and ducks his head.

"Oh, God, you want awkward? He- we fell asleep on the couch last night, talking. And this morning, I woke with my arms around him, and- Jeeezus," he groans, shoving the heel of his palm against his forehead.

"I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna do something really stupid and cross a line or weird him out."

Edited 2012-06-27 04:15 (UTC)

It's sickeningly sweet, but more than that Maxxie feels a pang in his heart. It's terrible for Teddy and it reminds Maxxie of what he's missing out on, what he's lost.

"Sucks, dude," he sighs. "If you ever need space, you know, there's a free bed in my room. And hey, maybe he wouldn't be weirded out at all. I mean, clearly he has to like you."

Teddy nods a little, dropping his hand. If his eyes are a little red rimmed, well, there's nothing really for it.

"Thanks," he says quietly, then looks over at Maxxie and offers him a genuine smile.

"Not just for the offer. I'm, um, really, really grateful. Just for listening. So, thanks, Maxxie."

The corner of his mouth curves up in the tiniest of smiles. It doesn't feel like he's done much, but that's how it works. He's glad Teddy's gotten something out of it, and that smile's great payment.

"You're welcome," Maxxie says, squeezing his shoulder again. "Now come on. I think you need some fucking sleep."

"God," Teddy sighs, "yeah. Okay." He starts to push himself up, feeling, and looking, wearier now that he's owed up to it.

The motion comes to him naturally, something he doesn't even think about before -- or while -- he's doing it. He follows Teddy to his feet with hand still in place, and when they're both standing his hand slides over the line of his shoulders. He kneads the tight, tired muscles there.

"No offense, but you're a mess." Maxxie couples his words with a tone of concern and then a dry, short laugh.

The fact that that feels amazing does nothing to make Teddy more awake. He groans quietly, head falling forward, but a low, weak laugh bubbles up.

"I know. I really know."

In Maxxie's mind, there's two kinds of massages. There's the type with oils and candles and soft music, the kind Alcuin gives (used to give) that leads to something else. And there's the type that's like therapy. Like athletes get a rub down after a hard workout, or his parents used to give him a quick massage when his body was aching.

This is definitely the latter and Teddy definitely needs it.

"Come on," he says again, letting his hands drift away. "Face down. In bed. I'll give you a massage and then wake you before Billy gets back."

"Ah, thanks, Maxxie. You don't have to," Teddy says, grinning a little wryly as he shuffles into the house and starts up the spiral staircase.

"I must really look like a total wreck if you're handing out free massages."

"You do," Maxxie says, mustering up the most serious tone he can manage in the circumstances. "It's kind of scary. S'why I want your face down and away from me."

Teddy laughs for real at that, scrubbing a hand over his face, pushing his hair down over his eyes as far as it'll go.

"That's so cold," he mumbles, and collapses face first onto the bed.

Oh, it is so much better than the couch.

"Oh, no," he mumbled, into the bedspread, "'m not gonna be able to move. He's gonna think I'm like smelling the sheets or something and run screaming. Crap."

Snorting out a soft laugh, Maxxie moves to the side of the bed. But looking down at Teddy's shoulders, the angle's off. It's not a big deal, but it's not a big deal to Maxxie to climb onto the bed, straddling Teddy's thighs so he has the best access to his shoulders and back.

"If that's the weirdest thing you do, I think you're in the clear. Besides, I'll cover for you. Swear on a Bible that you aren't a sheet sniffer," he promises. "Tell me if I press too hard, yeah?"

Teddy gave the slightest of starts at the sudden weight on the backs of his legs, but then the heels of Maxxie's hands were digging into the muscles of his back and he flattened out, boneless.

"Oh," he sighed.

"Wow. You didn't....mmmnh. Really have to. Holy crap, you have to show me how to do this."

"It's not that hard," he says, a faint laugh slipping into his words. It's gratifying to see Teddy relax that much and also kind of funny.

"When things are back to normal, I'll show you how," Maxxie promises. "You've got better things to think about right now."

"I guess," Teddy murmurs, knowing Maxxie's right. If he's honest, it's nice just to be touched. Getting his arms around Billy the night before had been one reminder, but this is a different level. There's nothing awkward in it. It feels so good just to be touched, by a friend.

"He'll remember. We'll help him remember," he says, letting his eyes close. He is a mess, totally exhausted, and it feels like all the wound up tension inside him is uncoiling under Maxxie's fingertips. It feels like his heart isn't being squeezed quite so much. Except apparently that's too much, and whatever anxiety and hurt and fear had generated the painful, hard knot in his back that Maxxie miraculously undoes, it all seems to flood through him. He doesn't realize his breath is hitching or that his fingers are curling hard into the sheets, he just knows that he's tired, and hurt, and there's someone with him he doesn't have to be anything for (or not be anything to), and that the bed does smell like Billy and he misses him.

It's all just too damn much.

He can feel the tension slowly falling away from Teddy's shoulders, and it's like he can feel the heartache flood in to fill the spaces. Teddy's practically made of it right now. Maxxie wonders if he's even taken so much as a minute for himself, to be selfish, before today.

He tries to keep up the massage, do what he can, but before long it's too much for him, too.

"Hey," Maxxie says softly, sliding to the open side of the bed, off of Teddy but pulling gently at his shoulder to make him roll over.

"It's gonna be okay, Teddy. It will be."

He thinks he should feel stupid, but he doesn't, not in front of Maxxie. He pushes himself up to sitting, wiping at his cheeks, his lashes, smearing the tears away in the hope they'll evaporate, nodding.

"I know," he hiccoughs, "I know. 'm sorry."

With his head bent, it's easy to lean forward a few inches until it's resting on Maxxie's shoulder.

"Thank you, really. I'm- I swear I'll get it together once I've slept some."

Maxxie doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Teddy, pulling him a touch closer so it's a proper hug, so he's properly holding him, like he can shield him from this stress for just a little while.

"S'alright," he assures him gently. "I know. I get it. You're tired but I promise it'll be okay."

Teddy scoots forward into the hug, bringing his arms up around Maxxie's back, lightly gripping his shirt. He nods, profoundly grateful, not just for the words and the fact that Maxxie means them, and Teddy believes them, but the closeness. There's something comforting in the tangle of legs and the tight embrace, even if it's not the most graceful, comfortable thing in the world. Sleep isn't enough, he realizes, he needed this, too.

"Okay," he sighs shakily, tears finally drying up, some of the tightness gone from his throat.

"You're right, it'll be okay."

It's been long enough that Billy can navigate his way to the compound on his bike with no problems. He's showered and grabbed some food and a few snacks for the cottage in record time, and his hair's still damp underneath his helmet as he bikes back home. Even though there are quite a few people he could hang out with (more than he'd ever expected), Billy just likes hanging with Teddy best. Which makes sense, because they're best friends, and Billy's been clinging to that like a lifeline.

There's also a tangled knot of feelings he's been developing that he doesn't even want to touch yet.

He's only a little disappointed when he gets home and everything's quiet, but Teddy has a life too, and Billy shouldn't have to be the center of it the way he has been. He slips his sneakers off just inside the door and lets his back pack drop as he heads for the staircase.

"Ted?" He calls out just in case Teddy is still home and he's missed him, and he takes the stairs two at a time. "Are you ho--oookay."

So, that's not exactly what he'd been expecting. And Billy certainly isn't expecting the way it socks him in the gut, or the sudden realization that finding Teddy hugging Maxxie in his bed is what it takes for Billy to realize he might have some feelings for Teddy. Hiding the surprise now would be stupid, so Billy does his best to pretend that this is all just another day in the life. Which it is, because he doesn't have a say in who Teddy does or doesn't like, and if he happens to like Maxxie, then it's totally fine.

"Uh...hi?"

Fuck.

It's innocent. It's totally and completely innocent, what he and Teddy are doing, but the second Maxxie hears Billy's voice, guilt shoots through him. He had said he would keep an eye out for Billy's return, to avoid any kind of awkwardness for Teddy, but mostly he feels guilty because he knows exactly how this looks.

And it wouldn't be the first time he's done this to Billy.

Rationally he knows that acting guilty implies guilt, but he can't help but to pull away from Teddy too quickly, to become too stiff and awkward to convince anyone that nothing was happening. Maybe it's not even this moment with this boyfriend that Maxxie's really reacting to.

"Hey," he says weakly, trying for casual but having trouble meeting Billy's eyes for longer than a split second. He's trying to figure out how to get around Billy and out the door as fast as he can.

It is bewildering to say the least, and Teddy's pulled back, startled as much by Maxxie's sharp movement as Billy's sudden presence, looking wide eyed and really mussed and a little shocked.

Which cannot possibly give the right idea. Which has to, in fact, be giving a really clear picture of the entirely wrong idea.

"Mmn- Billy- Uh," he says, thoughts scrambling around, worried he looks like he's been crying which he really shouldn't care about in the moment, sliding off the edge of the bed and standing, shoving a hand into his hair in a totally useless and quickly aborted attempt to tame it.

"B-Billy, hey."

Edited 2012-06-27 21:34 (UTC)

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