wasafreak | Amnesia Plot [2 1/2 Weeks In]

Amnesia Plot [2 1/2 Weeks In]

Teddy hasn't hit his breaking point, because he can't break. Billy depends on him. Even if they're not what they should be, even if Teddy misses them every second of every day, Billy depends on him. He's his best friend, the only person he really knows on the island, at this point, and it's only been twenty days, not even three full weeks. So he hasn't hit his breaking point because that's not an option.

He's waiting for Billy, who went to the Compound to shower and get laundry and maybe food, and Teddy feels bad for not going with and loitering but...

He just needs a minute. He just needs a few minutes alone. Knees draw up and arms crossed over them, he tries to not to lose it, to breathe through the emotions he's been keeping under tightest wraps, but they're still threatening to rip out of him. He's so tired all the time, and he feels so damn lonely.

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"You do," Maxxie says, mustering up the most serious tone he can manage in the circumstances. "It's kind of scary. S'why I want your face down and away from me."

Teddy laughs for real at that, scrubbing a hand over his face, pushing his hair down over his eyes as far as it'll go.

"That's so cold," he mumbles, and collapses face first onto the bed.

Oh, it is so much better than the couch.

"Oh, no," he mumbled, into the bedspread, "'m not gonna be able to move. He's gonna think I'm like smelling the sheets or something and run screaming. Crap."

Snorting out a soft laugh, Maxxie moves to the side of the bed. But looking down at Teddy's shoulders, the angle's off. It's not a big deal, but it's not a big deal to Maxxie to climb onto the bed, straddling Teddy's thighs so he has the best access to his shoulders and back.

"If that's the weirdest thing you do, I think you're in the clear. Besides, I'll cover for you. Swear on a Bible that you aren't a sheet sniffer," he promises. "Tell me if I press too hard, yeah?"

Teddy gave the slightest of starts at the sudden weight on the backs of his legs, but then the heels of Maxxie's hands were digging into the muscles of his back and he flattened out, boneless.

"Oh," he sighed.

"Wow. You didn't....mmmnh. Really have to. Holy crap, you have to show me how to do this."

"It's not that hard," he says, a faint laugh slipping into his words. It's gratifying to see Teddy relax that much and also kind of funny.

"When things are back to normal, I'll show you how," Maxxie promises. "You've got better things to think about right now."

"I guess," Teddy murmurs, knowing Maxxie's right. If he's honest, it's nice just to be touched. Getting his arms around Billy the night before had been one reminder, but this is a different level. There's nothing awkward in it. It feels so good just to be touched, by a friend.

"He'll remember. We'll help him remember," he says, letting his eyes close. He is a mess, totally exhausted, and it feels like all the wound up tension inside him is uncoiling under Maxxie's fingertips. It feels like his heart isn't being squeezed quite so much. Except apparently that's too much, and whatever anxiety and hurt and fear had generated the painful, hard knot in his back that Maxxie miraculously undoes, it all seems to flood through him. He doesn't realize his breath is hitching or that his fingers are curling hard into the sheets, he just knows that he's tired, and hurt, and there's someone with him he doesn't have to be anything for (or not be anything to), and that the bed does smell like Billy and he misses him.

It's all just too damn much.

He can feel the tension slowly falling away from Teddy's shoulders, and it's like he can feel the heartache flood in to fill the spaces. Teddy's practically made of it right now. Maxxie wonders if he's even taken so much as a minute for himself, to be selfish, before today.

He tries to keep up the massage, do what he can, but before long it's too much for him, too.

"Hey," Maxxie says softly, sliding to the open side of the bed, off of Teddy but pulling gently at his shoulder to make him roll over.

"It's gonna be okay, Teddy. It will be."

He thinks he should feel stupid, but he doesn't, not in front of Maxxie. He pushes himself up to sitting, wiping at his cheeks, his lashes, smearing the tears away in the hope they'll evaporate, nodding.

"I know," he hiccoughs, "I know. 'm sorry."

With his head bent, it's easy to lean forward a few inches until it's resting on Maxxie's shoulder.

"Thank you, really. I'm- I swear I'll get it together once I've slept some."

Maxxie doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Teddy, pulling him a touch closer so it's a proper hug, so he's properly holding him, like he can shield him from this stress for just a little while.

"S'alright," he assures him gently. "I know. I get it. You're tired but I promise it'll be okay."

Teddy scoots forward into the hug, bringing his arms up around Maxxie's back, lightly gripping his shirt. He nods, profoundly grateful, not just for the words and the fact that Maxxie means them, and Teddy believes them, but the closeness. There's something comforting in the tangle of legs and the tight embrace, even if it's not the most graceful, comfortable thing in the world. Sleep isn't enough, he realizes, he needed this, too.

"Okay," he sighs shakily, tears finally drying up, some of the tightness gone from his throat.

"You're right, it'll be okay."

It's been long enough that Billy can navigate his way to the compound on his bike with no problems. He's showered and grabbed some food and a few snacks for the cottage in record time, and his hair's still damp underneath his helmet as he bikes back home. Even though there are quite a few people he could hang out with (more than he'd ever expected), Billy just likes hanging with Teddy best. Which makes sense, because they're best friends, and Billy's been clinging to that like a lifeline.

There's also a tangled knot of feelings he's been developing that he doesn't even want to touch yet.

He's only a little disappointed when he gets home and everything's quiet, but Teddy has a life too, and Billy shouldn't have to be the center of it the way he has been. He slips his sneakers off just inside the door and lets his back pack drop as he heads for the staircase.

"Ted?" He calls out just in case Teddy is still home and he's missed him, and he takes the stairs two at a time. "Are you ho--oookay."

So, that's not exactly what he'd been expecting. And Billy certainly isn't expecting the way it socks him in the gut, or the sudden realization that finding Teddy hugging Maxxie in his bed is what it takes for Billy to realize he might have some feelings for Teddy. Hiding the surprise now would be stupid, so Billy does his best to pretend that this is all just another day in the life. Which it is, because he doesn't have a say in who Teddy does or doesn't like, and if he happens to like Maxxie, then it's totally fine.

"Uh...hi?"

Fuck.

It's innocent. It's totally and completely innocent, what he and Teddy are doing, but the second Maxxie hears Billy's voice, guilt shoots through him. He had said he would keep an eye out for Billy's return, to avoid any kind of awkwardness for Teddy, but mostly he feels guilty because he knows exactly how this looks.

And it wouldn't be the first time he's done this to Billy.

Rationally he knows that acting guilty implies guilt, but he can't help but to pull away from Teddy too quickly, to become too stiff and awkward to convince anyone that nothing was happening. Maybe it's not even this moment with this boyfriend that Maxxie's really reacting to.

"Hey," he says weakly, trying for casual but having trouble meeting Billy's eyes for longer than a split second. He's trying to figure out how to get around Billy and out the door as fast as he can.

It is bewildering to say the least, and Teddy's pulled back, startled as much by Maxxie's sharp movement as Billy's sudden presence, looking wide eyed and really mussed and a little shocked.

Which cannot possibly give the right idea. Which has to, in fact, be giving a really clear picture of the entirely wrong idea.

"Mmn- Billy- Uh," he says, thoughts scrambling around, worried he looks like he's been crying which he really shouldn't care about in the moment, sliding off the edge of the bed and standing, shoving a hand into his hair in a totally useless and quickly aborted attempt to tame it.

"B-Billy, hey."

Edited 2012-06-27 21:34 (UTC)

"Hey," he says weakly. Repeating the lame, awkward greeting is all he can think of doing for a few seconds, because he honestly doesn't know what to say or think. Or he does, but none of it sounds anywhere near rational, so he's choosing not to.

"I was just..." He points over his shoulder as if that explains everything, when all he wanted to do was do some homework and hang out with Teddy, but he had been right, to some degree. He can't expect Teddy to spend all his time with him, no matter how much Billy enjoys it.

He obviously has other friends. And...interests.

"No, I was just leaving," Maxxie interjects. He has no idea what he's saying no to -- maybe this whole unspoken weirdness -- but he needs out. Nothing he's gonna say is gonna help this.

"I just came by to say hi, but I gotta go."

He throws a glance over at Teddy, looking for some kind of sign that he'll be okay, that Maxxie sneaking out is the right thing to do, but frankly he's heading toward the door unless someone tells him not to.

Teddy wants to grab Maxxie's arm, make the other boy tell him what to do before he runs out the door, but judging by the look on Billy's face, that wouldn't be the smartest option.

Which begs the question why. Not that Teddy hasn't noticed that, other than himself, Maxxie is basically the only person he's seen Billy initiate conversation with or spend time around. He'd meant what he'd told Maxxie, earlier. The look on Billy's face now just makes the thought seem more substantial.

"Uh, see you, Max," he manages, practically stuttering the words out. Don't go he thinks, tell me what to do tell me what to do, but that's not so much an option with Billy standing right there.

Billy moves away from the stairs to make room for Maxxie, but he sort of wants to take his lead and leave as well. The room's so full of everything they're not saying, and he can't get the image of the two of them embrace out of his head.

(And maybe if his emotions weren't tangling everything up, Billy would have had very different reaction.)

"Bye," he says faintly, watching Maxxie leave so he doesn't have to look at Teddy just yet.

Well, and now everything is awkward.

"That... wasn't what it... probably looked like," Teddy says. He's more alert but no less exhausted, and stays where he's standing, on the other side of the bed.

"Okay," Billy says with a nod, because there isn't really anything else to say. It may or may not be whatever it was, but it's still awkward and Billy hasn't exactly done well with awkward in the past.

"...are you?" Teddy ventures, walking over to sit, almost gingerly, at the edge of the bed, keeping his eyes on Billy.

"Okay?" Billy asks, just to be sure that Teddy is again asking after him just as he has for the past two weeks without fail. He's starting to feel more than a little guilty about that, especially when he realizes he's probably holding Teddy back, or disrupting his social life or...everything.

"I'm totally fine," he continues, answering the question. "Promise. I was just...startled."

And not entirely blindsided by jealousy. Which is mostly new.

Teddy's not sure where to go from here, he has no idea what to say.

"I was just... I haven't been sleeping great, I was gonna power nap or something. And Max was-" Helping him? Giving him a massage? What possible explanation other than the truth can he offer?

"-was... -worried." About what, idiot? He wishes he had some idea of what he looked like. If his eyes are still red, if he can pass it off as being tired.

God, and there's that whole selfish thing again, he hadn't even thought of what it had to be like for Teddy to be sleeping on the couch this entire time. "Oh. You could have-- I can sleep on the couch? It's not a big deal."

He is totally ignoring the Maxxie-involved part of the nap, for reasons already thought of and viciously ignored.

"No," Teddy says quickly, with a brief shake of his head, "it's fine." The couch wasn't as comfortable, sure, but that wasn't the issue. He'd slept better the night before than he had since Billy'd woken up missing two years.

It's having his arms around his boyfriend and listening and feeling his breathing that makes Teddy sleep like the dead. Everything's felt all wrong without that.

"...so this is just the most awkward," he says finally, looking a little miserable and totally unsure.

"Kinda," Billy agrees, attempting a smile. There's no real way to salvage what just happened, so at least admitting it helps.

Maybe.

"Yeah, it's...it is."

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