Amnesia Plot [2 1/2 Weeks In]

[wasafreak]

Teddy hasn't hit his breaking point, because he can't break. Billy depends on him. Even if they're not what they should be, even if Teddy misses them every second of every day, Billy depends on him. He's his best friend, the only person he really knows on the island, at this point, and it's only been twenty days, not even three full weeks. So he hasn't hit his breaking point because that's not an option.

He's waiting for Billy, who went to the Compound to shower and get laundry and maybe food, and Teddy feels bad for not going with and loitering but...

He just needs a minute. He just needs a few minutes alone. Knees draw up and arms crossed over them, he tries to not to lose it, to breathe through the emotions he's been keeping under tightest wraps, but they're still threatening to rip out of him. He's so tired all the time, and he feels so damn lonely.

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[wasafreak]

It is bewildering to say the least, and Teddy's pulled back, startled as much by Maxxie's sharp movement as Billy's sudden presence, looking wide eyed and really mussed and a little shocked.

Which cannot possibly give the right idea. Which has to, in fact, be giving a really clear picture of the entirely wrong idea.

"Mmn- Billy- Uh," he says, thoughts scrambling around, worried he looks like he's been crying which he really shouldn't care about in the moment, sliding off the edge of the bed and standing, shoving a hand into his hair in a totally useless and quickly aborted attempt to tame it.

"B-Billy, hey."

[halfscarlet]

"Hey," he says weakly. Repeating the lame, awkward greeting is all he can think of doing for a few seconds, because he honestly doesn't know what to say or think. Or he does, but none of it sounds anywhere near rational, so he's choosing not to.

"I was just..." He points over his shoulder as if that explains everything, when all he wanted to do was do some homework and hang out with Teddy, but he had been right, to some degree. He can't expect Teddy to spend all his time with him, no matter how much Billy enjoys it.

He obviously has other friends. And...interests.

[just_dance_it]

"No, I was just leaving," Maxxie interjects. He has no idea what he's saying no to -- maybe this whole unspoken weirdness -- but he needs out. Nothing he's gonna say is gonna help this.

"I just came by to say hi, but I gotta go."

He throws a glance over at Teddy, looking for some kind of sign that he'll be okay, that Maxxie sneaking out is the right thing to do, but frankly he's heading toward the door unless someone tells him not to.

[wasafreak]

Teddy wants to grab Maxxie's arm, make the other boy tell him what to do before he runs out the door, but judging by the look on Billy's face, that wouldn't be the smartest option.

Which begs the question why. Not that Teddy hasn't noticed that, other than himself, Maxxie is basically the only person he's seen Billy initiate conversation with or spend time around. He'd meant what he'd told Maxxie, earlier. The look on Billy's face now just makes the thought seem more substantial.

"Uh, see you, Max," he manages, practically stuttering the words out. Don't go he thinks, tell me what to do tell me what to do, but that's not so much an option with Billy standing right there.

[halfscarlet]

Billy moves away from the stairs to make room for Maxxie, but he sort of wants to take his lead and leave as well. The room's so full of everything they're not saying, and he can't get the image of the two of them embrace out of his head.

(And maybe if his emotions weren't tangling everything up, Billy would have had very different reaction.)

"Bye," he says faintly, watching Maxxie leave so he doesn't have to look at Teddy just yet.

[wasafreak]

Well, and now everything is awkward.

"That... wasn't what it... probably looked like," Teddy says. He's more alert but no less exhausted, and stays where he's standing, on the other side of the bed.

[halfscarlet]

"Okay," Billy says with a nod, because there isn't really anything else to say. It may or may not be whatever it was, but it's still awkward and Billy hasn't exactly done well with awkward in the past.

[wasafreak]

"...are you?" Teddy ventures, walking over to sit, almost gingerly, at the edge of the bed, keeping his eyes on Billy.

[halfscarlet]

"Okay?" Billy asks, just to be sure that Teddy is again asking after him just as he has for the past two weeks without fail. He's starting to feel more than a little guilty about that, especially when he realizes he's probably holding Teddy back, or disrupting his social life or...everything.

"I'm totally fine," he continues, answering the question. "Promise. I was just...startled."

And not entirely blindsided by jealousy. Which is mostly new.

[wasafreak]

Teddy's not sure where to go from here, he has no idea what to say.

"I was just... I haven't been sleeping great, I was gonna power nap or something. And Max was-" Helping him? Giving him a massage? What possible explanation other than the truth can he offer?

"-was... -worried." About what, idiot? He wishes he had some idea of what he looked like. If his eyes are still red, if he can pass it off as being tired.

[halfscarlet]

God, and there's that whole selfish thing again, he hadn't even thought of what it had to be like for Teddy to be sleeping on the couch this entire time. "Oh. You could have-- I can sleep on the couch? It's not a big deal."

He is totally ignoring the Maxxie-involved part of the nap, for reasons already thought of and viciously ignored.

[wasafreak]

"No," Teddy says quickly, with a brief shake of his head, "it's fine." The couch wasn't as comfortable, sure, but that wasn't the issue. He'd slept better the night before than he had since Billy'd woken up missing two years.

It's having his arms around his boyfriend and listening and feeling his breathing that makes Teddy sleep like the dead. Everything's felt all wrong without that.

"...so this is just the most awkward," he says finally, looking a little miserable and totally unsure.

[halfscarlet]

"Kinda," Billy agrees, attempting a smile. There's no real way to salvage what just happened, so at least admitting it helps.

Maybe.

"Yeah, it's...it is."

[wasafreak]

Teddy pulls in a deep breath and lets it out in a steady rush.

"Billy, there's... I haven't told you some things, because it... it's hard to know what's okay to say. What's fair and what isn't. This- Me and Max-" He shakes his head a little, looking up at Billy.

"There is no me and Maxxie, is what I'm trying to say."

[halfscarlet]

"Oh." It wasn't a question Billy had been willing to ask, and he's grateful Teddy answers it without being prompted. "I-- I wasn't...okay, yeah, it looked kinda like something, but I wasn't judging or anything, just..." He shrugs.

Having it out in the open helps a little, but it doesn't solve the problem Billy has of not knowing what to say. At all. He assumes he gets a little better at it as he grows up, but right now, he's still fifteen and trying so hard to be the more grown up version of himself everyone says he is.

[wasafreak]

"No," Teddy says, and he wants to feel relieved because Billy seems relieved.

"He was just being a good friend. In a one hundred percent platonic way."

[halfscarlet]

"He's...Maxxie's a really good friend." Billy so badly wants to make a joke to ease the tension but nothing sounds appropriate, so he bites his tongue and walks over to the bed, sitting down next to Teddy. Maxxie has been a great friend to Billy -- most of his new-old friends have, and he constantly has to remind himself of that fact.

"So are you," he tells Teddy. "I'm really lucky to have you."

[wasafreak]

He knows before he does it that it's dumb, but to say Teddy's feeling a little off-center would be putting it lightly. He slides his hand over the blankets until his fingers are settled over Billy's, watching him.

"Good," he says quietly, "I'm glad. That I've been a good friend. I just want..." He swallows, looking down, past his knee, to the floor.

"That's all I want."

[halfscarlet]

Billy's hand twitches under Teddy's, but he doesn't move. The contact is enough, and when he looks over at Teddy, it's to find him looking away.

He isn't sure he believes what Teddy's saying, but he's less sure he can be anything but a friend right now. Billy can barely work through his own feelings, let alone work on figuring someone else's out, though he thinks he has a decent idea of Teddy's at any given time.

And he's probably just projecting anyway.

"Me too. Well, actually, I want to be a better friend. So to start doing that, I say you're taking the bed tonight."

[wasafreak]

He could protest- looks for a moment as though he's going to- but doesn't. Just presses his lips together and nods a little, then smiles over at him and squeezes his hand before drawing it away.

"Okay, deal." He lets out a short breath, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"I kind of feel like I'm gonna crash. Is it completely lame if I take a nap?" he asks, offering Billy an abashed, uneven smile.

[halfscarlet]

"Not lame," Billy says, glad that the awkwardness has passed. He's got a lot to think on now, but he's happy to see that smile back on Teddy's face. "You look like you need it."

[wasafreak]

"Thanks," Teddy says, scooting back, the promise of sleep almost overwhelming in its awesomeness. He will be much less an awkward idiot if he can just get some good, solid sleep, he thinks.

"Um, my iPad's charged, it has Angry Birds and some stuff on it, if you get bored. It's not locked," he says, lying down on his side, eyes going half lidded the moment his head hits the pillow.

"Don't lemme sleep too long, kay?"

[halfscarlet]

"Sure," Billy says, lying outright. Teddy looks so exhausted that he really can't wake him up before he gets all the sleep he needs. "Sorry in advance if you wake up and I've beaten all your Angry Birds scores," he adds as he reaches over to the side table to pick up the iPad.

[wasafreak]

Teddy huffs a quiet laugh half into the pillow, eyes sliding shut. His mouth curls faintly into a smile and he murmurs, "I'll forgive you," before falling abruptly and deeply asleep.

[halfscarlet]

Billy snorts as he watches Teddy fall asleep, the ease of which is pretty impressive. He's glad for it, and finds himself relaxing completely. While they'd sort of sorted things out, there's still a ton of guilt sitting on Billy's shoulders. He settles onto the bed as well, sitting against the headboard.

He tries not to watch Teddy sleep. He really, really does.

Angry Birds gets boring after a while, and after a brief walk with Diana, Billy goes through some of the other games on the iPad. They're enough to entertain him, but when Diana falls asleep curled up against Teddy's back, Billy switches to the camera and takes a picture before he can think about it. It's too adorable not to.

He's trying to come up with a cute title for the picture when his thumb accidentally swipes it over to another picture of Diana mid jump toward the camera. The next swipe is almost accidental, but it's another picture of Diana, and Billy has no real excuse after that one. Curiosity gets the better of him, and he doesn't think anything of it until he swipes past a few pictures that look like...well, no, they don't look like anything, they are him and Teddy hanging out.

Except hanging out isn't the right phrase for it. There are a few of Teddy laughing as he tries to avoid the camera, a couple of them making faces at it, and some that weren't taken by either of them, because they're both in the picture, and obviously together.

Billy stops on a slightly blurred picture of Teddy kissing him -- kissing the version of him that remembered everything about the past two years, and it all starts to make sense. Everything does. And Billy can't even rationalize this away, not like he did the moments of attraction to Teddy, or the few times he'd catch him looking at him in a weird way, he can't explain any of it away because he'd known it from the first day.

He just hadn't been able to face it before.

He stares at the picture, the iPad sitting untouched on his lap until the screen fades out. Beside him, Teddy stirs.